Old Man, Take A Look At Your App…
So, it appears the #agingchallenge is out of control right now on the interwebs.
Everybody is doing it. Celebrities like Tom Green, Drake, The Jonas Brothers
and Gordon Ramsay are giving it a go, it being Face App (go and look it up in-
your App-store or Google Play if you wanna).
Hey it’s Old Man McNeill
Here afternoon to take your requests by telegraph.
There’s also a lot of backlash going around about privacy concerns
with the app developer being of Russian origin but if the good Russians
really want my wrinkly image that badly, then by all means, enjoy the
laughs, comrades. They can kiss my wrinkly old.. wait.. it doesn’t work
on bodies.. yet. And don’t I know it.. I’ve been scarred already by the posts
online of bikini photos with gender-swapped heads during the whole
#genderswap crazeNot to mention a Facebook thread where all my past-
girlfriends literally/figuratively technologically manned up through the app-
to make my Costanza worlds collide into literal nightmare fuel.
Aging apps and web pages are nothing new.
They’ve been around for a while… since at least 2011.
They’ve just gotten better since then.
As a matter of fact, FaceApp has been around for a while too.
Half of the fun of the app, since day one, has been goofing around with
oldphotos and baby photos and aging them, or de-aging them like so:
That was my Grade 15 photo (shaddup.. High School was the best 7 years-
of my life!) and it’s beeen de-aged to my 12 year old self. Adorable, right?
Okay.. now lets’ take my 12 year old, grade 15 self and crank up the dial up
to +60 years and see what kind of abomination we can create out of it….
Hey look, it’s my 21 year old, 12 year old self aged to 72 years old!
Freaky.
A couple years ago, Face-App went through another upgrade, and so-
I mucked around with it because I can take nothing seriously.. I was the
odd kid in the bunch who liked to drive the wrong way in MarioKart –
competitions just to see what happens. So I aged my PAST self again.
Only this time… I went straight from Grade 9, aged 14 – to my old.
14 self aged by 55 years.
I even went so far as to age a baby photo to +140 years, but my mother
absolutely hates that picture, and so out of love and respect I will not
post that abomination that I created.
So instead let’s skip to he current version of Face-App – and throw
another old photo into the ol’ woodchipper that is the Aging Function.
Let’s take my 2001 pic from a radio station where I was spinning
all the boy bands and “Top Hits” – and thus had the spike-tips to go
along with it… Let’s age my 23 Year old self by 40 years and…..
Yeah.. the Jersey Shore reunion was a complete disaster.
Some folks just can’t let go….
To quote Doc Brown from Back to the Future:
“Look at me! I’m an old man!! I STILL HAVE MY HAIR!!!”
If only….
And finally, to conclude this warped tour… (aww, I miss WarpedTour…)
I wasn’t happy enough to age myself once with the current Face-App
aging function. I had to age my aged photo.. and then take that aged
photo and age it again.. and again.. kind of like that bizarre contraption in
The-Princess Bride that takes X-number of years off of Westley’s life,
only on repeat. The more you do it.. the more you look like the Crypt-Keeper.
Enhance… enhance….. we must go deeper….. deeper!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy your nightmares… and have fun with the app! – M@
(Aged 75, 135 and 205)
